Instagram Stories: a lesson in being uncomfortable

Instagram stories.

That’s where you’ll find my personality and creativity.
It is also where you’ll see a girl finding herself and pursuing the things that terrify her.
( being on camera is one of those things…ironic I know)
I typically have a really prestigious seat in the theatre of overthinking.

How I’m perceived in the world has been a long standing internal battle of mine. I don’t say that lightly, I mean a BATTLE in the truest sense.

Are my flaws as visible to everyone else? Do they know this is really me? How many people think this is fake? Is it fake? What is the thing everyone dislikes about me that I don’t know yet? When will I be found out?
Cue the Imposter Syndrome cycle.

Most people are surprised to discover this about me. ( all of my close friends are giving the worlds biggest eye roll right now)
As the business grows and my anonymity starts to slightly fade, a whole new level of insecurities start floating through the trees to test and to challenge me.

In college (I took Film and Broadcasting), I only wanted to work in fields that were behind the camera. I never entertained being on display, I just knew I couldn’t handle the pressure and rejection of that. I sat in awe when people raised their hands to be front and centre.
I’ve always been ok with expressing myself by way of directing, producing, writing, etc; but every time I’ve been offered the spotlight I turned it down.
My career has been in entertainment and media so the opportunities presented to me over the years have been vast. However, if any of those opportunities had an element of public display they all faced the same end.
Radio shows, TV, Film, Public Singing ; all dismissed for fear that the embarrassment would swallow me whole.

Each day, when the sun rises and the page is blank again I set an intention to try and control my thoughts.
So those instastories that you watch?

Those are me saying yes to being uncomfortable and making an intentional choice in the direction of my insecurities.   

Love ya!


Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published